Just Passing Through
It was Tuesday December 18, 2007 at about 6:12 PM. My wife had just brought our first child into the world. My beautiful son Santiago Alexander Allen had arrived. He was the joy of the nurses but never more than myself, my wife or our moms. It was an amazing thing to see this little boy who I have been talking to all these months, who has been kicking his mom and placing his foot in the most uncomfortable places while awaiting his departure. This little boy, apart from the Lord and my wife, has become my heart.
Back in the recovery room after birth, Betsy was waiting with my mom and her mom for Santiago to finish his initial testing. I had been with him the whole time but left momentarily to see how Betsy was doing and to give her an update on what I saw. I then decided that I had some people to call and inform them that Chago is here. I walked down the narrow corridor of the hospital passing by the nursery and peeked in. I wanted to get another look at my boy and somehow let him know I was there and was only leaving to announce his arrival. I got to the door where you have to press a button so that the nurses can then press another button after observing you through video and open the door. I walked out to a small hallway with elevators on my right and I made a left. I was startled to see I was walking through a crowd of people unwilling to make eye contact with me. They were too busy hugging each other, talking on cell phones and crying to notice me, the new dad, with an extra swagger in my step. I wasn't paying attention enough to wonder what they were crying about but I did ponder ever so briefly as I thought about who and how many people I should call. I got to the end of the hall where there was a small contingent of couch-like chairs, and there stood a man looking out of a huge window that faces the parking lot where my car was. In a low somber voice he said these words "He just passed away...". I forced my ears to give him his privacy as I then took a mental stroll through the hallway I had just come from. It all made sense now. Those people were mourning the loss of a loved one. Whoever "He" was, he is gone now, forever in eternity. I began to wonder if he was saved and immediately tried to discern that by the expression on the man's face who was on the phone in front of me. No luck. I just hoped for his sake he was.
I grabbed my phone about to dial whoever and then this great irony hit me. At the same time my son came into the world another man had just left it. On the third floor of this hospital was an ironic gateway. Literally on one side was new life, the birth of dreams, hopes, new emotions, fears of the unknown, what ifs, how wills, incredible joy and new beginnings all wrapped up in one little boy. The other side was just the opposite, a different fear of the unknown, regrets, sorrows, I wish I could'ves, if I would've only, no more chances that's it. It is what it is. Your life is your death's reference. It will look back and and bring forth a host of indictments. What an irony I thought. We literally are just passing through. One day some dad will be walking down the hallway proud of his new status and may see my wife, my son and whomever saddened by the inevitable reality of my death. It sobered me for a few minutes as I pondered what I want to be known for and what regrets I would have. We are just passing through aren't we. Scripture says our lives are like a mist that passes away. Never before did that make as much sense to me as it does now. Its not that I have never known this or thought it. I spent a number of years in my life surrounded by death but now in this moment life just seemed so precious. The irony teased me but would not have mastery over me. For one, my son is born and I can't wait to be with him. Two, I have been redeemed by the blood of Christ, meaning I am forgiven for all the sins I will regret. While there is an unknown process after death, there is not an unknown destination. I will be with Christ! Praise God, I thought containing my smile as not to tempt the man in front of me who was the bearer of bad news to someone on the other end of the phone. It was a moment of irony and yet a sober joy filled reality. We are just passing through. I then looked at my phone and started to dial...
